Being Canadian, there are two words I wanted to learn right away in Vietnam. First was “thank you”, and second was “sorry”. Culture is a funny thing though, and something as simple as “thank you” can back fire if you’re not careful. In Vietnamese, “thank you” is spelled Cam On- although it is pronounced more like Gha Mun, with the tone going down, and then back up. Needless to say, it is tricky to, er, say. “Sorry” is spelled Xin Loi, but pronounced Sin Loi….much easier. But here is where culture comes into play, and I feel as though this simple issue has much to do with outsiders perspectives on Hanoians.

Hanoians are regarded as impolite, and rude; they can be very stone-faced, which is off putting for travellers (ironically, many Vietnamese tell me that it is foreigners that are really stone faced). The reason we find this “attitude” rude, is because growing up in a western culture- especially a Canadian one, we are taught that you say please, and thank you, and always say sorry if you might have offended someone. So, in a place where you have a typical sale interaction, usually the cashier says thank you, or something similar. Here though, that is quite rare.

Now, it’s more than just being rude- its actually the opposite. When Vietnamese don’t say thank you, or sorry, it’s not meant to offend, it’s just how things are done. They only say please if they really want something, so as to not cheapen the word. Please, and saying please is not meant for a situation like,
“can I please have a glass of water”
Because if I asked for that in Vietnamese, the wait staff would be perplexed. Instead, you would say:
“I want a glass of water”.
Moreso, if you say thank you when the water arrives, they would know you’re not actually thankful. A slight nod is all that is needed. Thus, the irony presents itself. In being polite, and using our manners, we are actually appearing disingenuous- which is rude. By using our Western manners in such a way, we are coming across as unthankful, and not actually sorry.

Thankfully though, Hanoians recognize these western customs better than we recognize their own customs, and there is very little ill feelings when someone uses their western manners.

I don’t use my blog as a platform to rant, but today I am going to.

My school lists itself as an international school, which in Hanoi carries a certain amount of prestige with it. Short of telling you prices for our school here, I will say that the students in my class, ages 3,4, and 5, pay more for one year of me teaching them, then I paid for a year at university. So, it’s important to understand that the school attracts a certain socioeconomic group.
Late last week one of the parents went to where the school gets its food from. See, our school does not make its own food, the food is made in a separate facility and then brought over at lunch. When this group went to the kitchen, they found it to be below what would be acceptable in the west, but is still acceptable in Vietnam. They took photos, and went to the school, as is completely understandable (although I’m not sure what prompted this trip in the first place). The school agreed that the standards were below where they should be, and so they discontinued the service with them the very next day.
Sounds pretty simple, right? The school accepted that while the cleanliness of this particular facility is not their responsibility, they should have been to visit more often, and kept tabs on them; they changed providers immediately, and apologized to the parents.
Unfortunately, as I’m learning, things are not so simple. The parents called a meeting. They had a list of demands, or they would go to the press. And, before I go further, let me explain that the press is open to the highest bidder here. You “buy” a reporter to show your side of the story, and should the other party want to place a rebuttal, they the need to pay the reporter more money.
Lists of demands from the parents included, but were not limited to:
1) Internet access to view the cameras in the classrooms at all time
2) the school should buy insurance for the students up until they are 18 because, as one parent put it “you are profiting off killing our children”.
3) full monetary refund
4) resignation of the Academic Coordinator, Principle, and the two heads of the company.

Now, late last night came the kicker. One parent offered this solution: pay each student $1,500 USD, and we will stop going to the papers. In short,extortion. Happily, the head of the company said that if they could show that the students had any medical problems because of the food, then they will reimburse money.

Sometimes I love Vietnam.

I have thought about this post for a long while, so I hope to express my thoughts well.

My friend Vlad is an enigma; I can’t figure him out, and I have long since given up trying to. He is a lanky Russian man, who although in his early 30’s, acts like he is 23, and somehow still looks 26. He enjoys volleyball at the American club, and drinking beer. Vlad has lived in Vietnam for just over 20 years, spending his formative years here. He originally moved from the Soviet Union when he was around 10, and has been here ever since. Being here as long as he has, he is fluent in Vietnamese- I reckon that his Vietnamese is one of the best amongst all foreigners in Vietnam. With this in mind I asked him for some advice when I first moved here. He told me a story that happened many years ago, which culminated in him getting mobbed by Vietnamese in the street. His reaction though is what surprised me more than the whole story, and it provides a very intuitive look into not just Vietnamese society, but into a lot of humanity. But, I need to provide some more context I think before moving forward with some broad, sweeping claims.

I have seen more than a few altercations here, and the majority of them have to do with traffic. What got me thinking about violence here was witnessing an incident right outside my kindergarten. A taxi driver had scrapped the side of a parents car. What followed was the two men yelling at each other, in front of the kindergarten, and then the taxi driver hitting the parent in the face. Most situations like this, that I witness, usually go this way too; one man yells at another until one snaps, and lashes out, then everyone around jumps in and breaks it up. It’s sort of like a hockey fight; it can carry in until it becomes unacceptable anymore, then the referee steps in.

Now, I can’t say this same thing would happen in Canada, but why? From what I have witnessed, in Canada, if there is an accident, usually the camera come out to take photos,information is exchanged, and insurance companies are contacted. So, at this point you are thinking that I am implying that the Vietnamese have a tendency to violence. Being someone who likes to think he isn’t racist, I would say that claim would be idiotic. There is the question though of why do situations escalate so fast here? This is where Vlad’s wisdom comes in. Oppression. The Vietnamese have been oppressed quite a bit. This is a country where violent crime is taken very seriously, so a bar brawl is likely to end up in a prison sentence- likewise a mugging will put you in prison for a lengthy sentence as well. Vlad said the Vietnamese are boiling. They have been under such pressure for so long that once it cracks, it blows up. The government is slowly allowing more freedoms, but will it be enough. There is a reason that BBC was censored during the “Arab Spring”. There is a reason that Facebook is kept on a short leash. The government knows the state of the region, and they don’t want an “Asian Summer”.

If you are going to live in Vietnam, your main mode of transportation is going to be motorbike- unless you can afford a car, and possess the patience of a Zen master. So how does one go about doing this, should you have summoned the courage to get on a bike?
First, if you don’t want to drive a bike, but you don’t mind being on the back on one, you can always catch a Xe Om, which translates literally to “Motorbike Hug”. These are the Viet version of the taxi. But, truth be told, most of South East Asia uses this form of transport as well- it’s much faster, and a bit cheaper than a “tuk-tuk” in Thailand or Cambodia. The upside to Xe Oms is that they are faster than taxis around many areas of the city, they are cheap, and readily available. But the downsides are this: Xe Oms can try to rip you off, they may be drunk, and ultimately, if you’re a girl, you are the mercy of a strange man, usually in the middle of the night.
One brief story about Xe Oms. Last summer I was walking through the Old Quarter with my friend Mark; he has been here for close to 10 years and knows the city very, very well. We were being narrated by two drivers trying to pick us up. So, Mark asked them to take us to “Summit”, and they said okay. But, first he asked where it was. They assured us that they knew. He continued asking where it was, insisting on an address- and they went as far as to call us liars because we did not trust them. We shooed them away, and I asked Mark where “Summit” was, and he said London.
So be wary, especially at night. Negotiate before hand, and trust your gut.

So what if you want your own bike? You have two options. First you can buy a bike. You can use online classifieds on a site like www.newhanoian.com or you can try the Hanoi Backpackers, as there are bikes always for sale there, from travellers. One really important part of buying a bike is to make sure you get the papers. If you own the bike, the papers prove it- it’s a sort of paper trail of owners. If you are pulled over, and you do not have the papers, it looks like you are driving a stolen bike. Not cool. Your other option is renting. If you are in Vietnam for anything more than 8 months, I wouldn’t recommend it, because it does add up. The pros to renting are that all the matinence is taken care of, as well as repairs. So, once a month you go in, get your oil changed, and get your bike checked. If something happens and the bike breaks, you call him, and he brings you another bike. Simple. Expensive. My bike costs $50 a month, which isn’t that much, but after a year, nearly own this same bike.

A little side note: to drive a bike in Vietnam you need a Vietnamese motorbike license. To drive a car, you need to get a international drivers license transferred to a Vietnamese one. There is one caveat though; if your bike is 50cc or under, you do not need a license, for some reason. Also, if you get a bike over 175cc you need a special license, which means more police attention. So, just be aware that driving your Duccatti around Hanoi attracts lots of attention.

Now, I have written about a number of traffic situations in Hanoi, and countless others around the world have braved crossing the street here. But, I think I need to address a serious issue. Crosswalks. See, it feels like I’m setting up to be funny, but I really am not. In heavily travelled tourist areas there are crosswalks, which are whole-heartly ignored.
But I want to know why. Why does this happen, and what are the effects of this?
I read an article a while ago about a new crosswalk in Hong Kong, and how cars and motorbikes stopped for it, and how one individual made his way through this crosswalk for the mere fact that cars stopped for him; they recognized his humanity, and gave him notice, which was something he felt was missing in his job, and his social life.
So take Hanoi. Hanoi is much more crowded, and the culture much more homogenized- the political system is to blame here. On a Vietnamese ID card there is a section for distinguishing features because everyone’s eyes and hair colour are the same, and most people are relatively the same height. Distinguishing features can be a blemish on the upper right cheek.
Introduce that culture to someone struggling with identity issues- I’m sure it’s a culture that breeds identity issues. After the novelty of having motorbikes and cars swearve around you wears off, the potential for personal crisis rises. Motorbikes carine around you, cars narrowly miss you, with not a single eye meeting yours, like rock in a stream. You are not a person they could hurt; you are an object that could hurt them. I see two things going on here. The first is this: Hanoians have a “me first” attitude, and this applies to driving, waiting in line, or ordering food. As an outsider looking in, it really feels disrespectful at times, but I would like to think the issue is not so superficial, that there is a more profound reason for it. Perhaps this idea of me first harks back to the times of famine, when you would line up to get food, and if you didn’t get to the front of the line, you didn’t eat- perhaps this behavior was modelled for children, and so it carries on. I know that I adopt the me first attitude when I drive because I want to get off the road as soon as possible!
The second idea is this. This is a superficial culture in many ways, and anyone that denies that is lying. I’m not saying that the Vietnamese don’t value deep personal relationships- it is one of their best qualities. But I can’t shake the idea that there is the thought that people walking are not as important as people driving a motorbike, who aren’t as important as car owners, and perhaps this harks back to colonial times. I don’t want to make that leap though.

But why stand for it? Why do Hanoians not get angry about the system? Perhaps a face in the crowd steps into the street to feel a bike brush her bag, and at that moment she knows “I am here”, in the same way that the man in Hong Kong watched traffic stop, Hanoians feel the traffic breath on them, and they feel alive.

I am lucky to work in a somewhat-gated community. There are two towers surrounded by green areas, tennis courts, beach volleyball courts, and even a number of pools- its a very nice place to work. Tenants in the complex, called Golden West Lake, pay a exhorbanant amount of money every month, because a basic, unfurnished, one-room apartment costs $1,000/month, and the average price for an apartment is $3,250/month ( for some perspective, that is nearly 1.5 times higher than the average national income…per month) This is before the mandatory maid fees, and the other charges….like parking. Many of Hanoi’s elite live in this community, so it isn’t uncommon to see brand new Rolls Royces, Bentleys, high-end German cars…even a Lamborghini (which is beyond the worst choice of car for this area). What I am trying to show is that the residents are not hurting for money.
So, this week GWL has took it upon themselves to raise the cost of parking by 2,000,000 VND, or $100 USD per month. Understandably, the tenants were upset, and they then appealed. This appeal was rejected. People who live in GWL are not used to being told no. So they are protesting.

Now before I continue, let me explain that protesting is illegal in Vietnam. You cannot gather to protest causes. If someone chooses to protest, usually the police arrive, and “convince ” this person to stop, by “talking” to them, with a baton. There is not a visible sub-culture of subordination. There are no anarchists, or activists. To everyone’s surprise last year during the South China Sea issues with China, there were open protests in the streets, in very public area. They were allowed breifly, but then the so-called “fun police” shut them down.

Back to Golden West Lake.

I am extremely interested what will happen with this protest. All the car owners have parked their cars to block access to the parking area, and hung signs on their cars. If I was management at GWL, and if this were the West, I would have the police come in and tow the cars away. But, these protesters are the upper class, and very well connected- the police can’t touch them. If the managers give in, the residents know that any new change can be crushed by a protest.

In the land where dollars are king, and democracy is an after-thought, will a hippy-style sit in beat “the man”….of course the protesters are made up of “the man”….this is mind numbing sometimes.

Get used to this idea: you are going to get sick in Vietnam; it is going to happen a lot, and it will be very uncomfortable. You cannot avoid it. You can blame the food, the pollution, or even the “evil winds” (which at this point feels just as logical, and just as likely). So, just accept it.
There is a whole host of things that will make you sick, like the aforementioned food, but for me personally it has been the sudden, and intense, heat. Within the last month, the average outside temperature has skyrocketed from a balmy 25-27 to the low 40s.
I am writing this while laying in bed, with a fever. Having a fever when it is 42 C outside is an odd feeling. The constant change of extreme heat to, what feels like, extremely cold air conditioning, doesn’t help.
Before movin here I figured I had a really strong immune system, but Vietnam has made me feel like a week child.

Forbes just released 25 pieces of advice for recent graduates; number five on this list was “move to Asia” because of its hot economies, and growing, what I will call, Anglophilia. Asia has very low unemployment, and quite often people get snapped up pretty quick into the job market.

Beyond the economic side that Forbes sees though, is the cultural aspect. A move to Asia, especially when you’re young helps build character, and teaches you a set of skills you can’t learning the West. I know that myself, I have grown substantially after one year abroad, and I have been in situations that would never happen in Canada- both good and bad: motorbiking through the highlands,and being detained by corrupt military officials are a few things that come to mind.

So, a move to Asia is more than sound economic advice, it’s sound personal advice.

In honour of the torrential downpour outside, I feel like I should address the way that rain works here.

Depending on when you arrive in Hanoi, you will experience different kids of rain. First, because it’s May, I will talk about the Rainy Season. Rainy Season/Summer generally starts in May, and goes through to around late September or early October. The humidity sky rockets, and temperatures climb into the 40s.

It is at that moment, when you cannot possibly stand anymore heat and humidity, that you will feel a drop of water, and then another- that was your warning. Seek shelter because within a minute, or two, you will get caught in a rush of water from the sky, as if someone turned on a luke-warm shower over your head that followed you everywhere. The problem is made worse if you are driving.

I remember one situation last summer when Betsy and I were headed off to go to karaoke with my company, and the rain started so fast, and was so hard, that by the time I was able to pull over and put on a poncho, we were both completely soaked, so much so that we had to turn around and go get changed- jeans do not dry very fast here.

Now, the Winter is a little different. Winter here is more like a constant misting of rain, without it ever hitting the ground. Shockingly though, there is very little humidity, and the temperature is much more manageable, but the constant damp air can get quite annoying because it is cold, and it works its way into everything.

How can you help yourself? Well, in the summer, you must carry a poncho or a good rain jacket with you. If you are out without one, you can always buy a super cheap poncho for about $.50, or VND 10,000. And in the Winter, you need to have a heavy wool sweater, and a thick constitution.

This one will be breif, so I hope everyone reads it. I spent a whole day last weekend saving two friends from overpriced taxis. Rigged meters are rampant in Hanoi, and drivers can spot a tourist a mile away. So, here are some tips to save you money, and sanity.

1) Most important tip I can give you: negotiate before you get in. If you are staying at a hotel with a concierge service, they can help you tremendously. Tell the driver to turn off the meter, and negotiate a rate before you start off. This immediately takes away the worry of the meter, and digging around for money when the trip is done.

2) Write your address down. How you say the address sounds right to you, but most likely not to the taxi driver. Write it down and save everyone the time and hassle.

3) If a taxi can’t go off the meter, and the meter isn’t rigged, then drivers will most often take the long way around, because how many people know the way? This is the most difficult scam to avoid, because it requires you have a map, and know the way. At the end of the day, you’re at the drivers mercy.

So, how do you know you’re getting ripped off? Usually you will see the meter jump at random intervals, but some smart cabbies have the odometer setting rigged so that the meter thinks you are going further than you are. What you can do to catch this is to watch the cars odometer, and see if it is moving slower than the meter’s.

And what to do if you know you are getting ripped off? Have the taxi stop, get out and refuse to pay. They will put up a fight, but they are in the wrong, and you can easily report them.

I have to say that, bar none, traffic is the thing that shocks most foreigners when they arrive in Hanoi. I like to joke that, no matter where you learned to drive, you are driving on the correct side of the road in Hanoi.
The city feels like a swirling mess of confusion, or a churning river crashing through the canyons of the old quarter. The metaphors are endless. And, there is nothing that I can write about that will prepare you for it, and there is nothing that hasn’t already been said. So, I will try to give you a few tips to handle the way the city works.
“Rules”:
Yes, there are rules for the road here, but theory and practice is much different (this applies to most of Vietnam). Here are some unofficial and official rules
1) Pedestrians have the right of way over everything, second to them are bicycles, then motorbikes, then cars, then the spawn of Satan (public busses).* The joke is that is you can’t drive a bike, you drive a car, and if you can’t drive a car, you drive a bus.
*cars won’t usually stop for you though, unless you are right in their way- busses would rather kill countless motorists, rather than give way, so don’t expect a bus to move.

2) “If you honk three times, then you have given sufficient warning to the other party, therefore, if you hit them, you are no longer at fault”. Is this a real law? Of course it isnt, but, there is a vast amount of the public that feel like it is; this can be an advantage, or a disadvantage. If you are driving. Just blare your horn in repetitions of 3, or better yet, just hold it down like 18 year old guys with ditsy blondes on the back, and you should be just fine. Unfortunately, everyone else is driving just like you- if everyone involved honks their horn three times, you, the white guy, is at fault….regardless if you were even involved.

3) Some streets are one way for cars, but two ways for bikes. I happen to live on one, and I get the pleasure every morning to experience what salmon go through every spring when they swim through rapids to lay their eggs. “Two-way” means that those that are not going with the cars get less than the width of a sidewalk to drive on.

4) Stop signs are ignored. More than one of you reading this is thinking “there are stop signs in Hanoi?” Yes, but they usually get covered up by something else. Traffic lights are hither-to ignored at night. The majority of the day, traffic lights are a suggestion.

5) Speed limits do exist. No, that’s not a joke. And, they are absurdly low- somewhere in the realm of 30 km/h for motorbikes. Next time you feel like your Xe Om driver is going super slow, he is probably just doing the speed limit, or he’s drunk. Either or.

6)The legal limit is 2 adults per motorbike. Anything more is asking for a ticket by the “police”. Apparently though freight is unlimited, as is the ammount of livestock you can carry.

I found that I went through several phases concerning my ideas of traffic here. First, I was utterly terrified, even while driving. After that came bewilderment at the amount of things people carry on their bikes. Following that was respect- wow, 5 adults on a bike takes skill! But, now I’m more or less at anger at the things people do. Why are you driving the wrong way in the street when you can just go around the block? Why do you think you can just sail through a red light? Why aren’t you wearing a helmet! Do you care that little for your own life? Obviously you don’t care about mine.
Oh, and from day one I have hated car drivers here. That will not change. Ever.